Now comes the mystery....

SO

2006-01-15T22:17:12Z

i justr realized i began every single entry with so.

ahahhahahahha i think thats really funny.

My desperate heart is far too weak

2006-01-15T16:47:00Z

so
i just love how i get sick
its wonderful. cant you just tell? (take the hint of sarcasm?)
friday i came home sick with a 102 fever
and i had to worok 3-7 friday, so i called my bosss to call in sick.
andd i got someone to cover my shift. except for the 1st hour.
and really thats no problem for someone to stay and extra hour.
keep in mind i havent taken a sick day ever.
and he flips out. god. he made me feel like shittttt
alright anyways.i dont go to work
and mother takes me to the doctor
and strep test comes back negative
so they want me to get blood work to test for mono
how splendid.
i dont think i have mono tho. cause i think i might be getter better
i hope so.
well anyways. no school 2moro. which is good.
if im better im going out with rich
for a movie and such.

sigh.

i hope im better by 2moro. : )

AND THIS JUST MADE MY WHOLE WEEKEND

scars of ages x (11:40:16 AM): ill be like
scars of ages x (11:42:08 AM): listen marta...do you think you could let stephanie sleep over my house saturday night. its a perfect night, my parents wont be home, were going to smoke a lot of marijuana, have a lot of sex with at least 3 different guys and at least one girl, im going to get her drunk to the poiint where she cant even spell her name, and dont worry, ill make it a respectfull night, well do math homework and ill light a few candles. i just really would apprictae it if youd let me bone your daughter.

<3

i love my friends<3 somuch.

one night , two month, three year stand.

2006-01-08T17:20:59Z

so.

friday argued with my mom, whats new. but still went out. got dropped off at applebees and got picked up for a bit by C&L and saw matt and steve and went back to matts house. but mother called me all suspicious so me and jamie had to race back to applebees. by this time we wree really really really relaly hungry. we got burgers at applebees and met up wuith jenn and her boyfriend.. and then me and jamie went to king kullen and got entemans cinnabons (OMG soooo so good) and half baked ice cream and spoons. yeah boy were cool. OH and milk shakes. yeah man. it made me so happy. but then i couldnt get a ride home so i had to go home early at 1030. bad end to a good night.

saturday i was able ot get out again and went to this house concert at josh's house. and it was nice for a bit but i got tiredddd. so i called mike and wanted to see what he was doing so he picked me up and we hung out with his friends for a bit and then they left. anddd me and mike hung out. that was pretty much it. yeah.

now relaxing then doing this stupid US project alone. klJHGKLJAHGF IT sucks. im really pissed cause i have to do this whole thing by myself. i was supposed to do it with jamie yesterday but she never called bac. and today. shes out with her mom then C&L. bah. so. then at like 2 faimly friends are coming over. more presents. yay. uhm. yeah.

so, for a while i thought things were shaping up for me, witht he whole friends situation and faimly and everthing, but really its not.. and it sucks cause im getting sick of everything. theres a point where im just gonna break down. and im not looking foward to that at all. i just need a vacation. seroiusly. im thinking about going down to florida with my daddy for a while to get everything off my mind. hot weather and beaches is what i need right now.yeah.... anyone wanna join me in my adventure to flordia? im thinking about going myself in febuary. anyone wanna join lemme know.

Nothing could be so real as you and me

2005-12-29T01:24:31Z

so... i havent gone out all vaca so far... and its killing me. i just wanna go out and see my friends. and. i wanna see blake relaly bad.

life at home is getting really really sucky. i dont know how much longer i can deal wiht it for... and idk what im gonna do without my grandma when she leaves for chile in the middle of january. god i have to clean and wash clothes and cook and. oh man. its gonna be taking up alot of my time. : / ....

soim exshausted. i stayed up till 2:30 this morning talking to blake. on the phone then texting him.. and i got 3 hours of sleep. i mean id ont care about the lack of slepe becuase he makes me smile. alot.

but then i woke up at 630. and got ready for track. practice started at 8 and i gto to my schookl at 7:15. and it sucked cause i was locked out and freezinggg. but then everyone got therre eventually. we worked out in the weight room for a hour. i ran like 2 miles on the tredmill. then i walked homeee. and i was home alone for like 4 hours. i was soo bored. . then i passed out at 12. and didnt wake up till 5:45. it was great . im still tired tho.

uhm. so. tomorrow. track at 730. probly working out in the weight room again and running outside. hmm.

tomorrows thursday. that means blake comes home!

woo. i hope i am ungrounded. i really need to go out and... just have fun

*sigh*... i hope im not making a mistake.

kjhdfkgjhabrtgiu

2005-12-27T05:18:34Z

so, i was pissed off like 2 weeks ago.

but rigt now im really relaly happy.

thanks to my friends and this boy..

we talk foreverrr and wehave so much in common . and it just makes me smile. he makes me smile.

as of right now hes not like all of the other asshole guys that ive liked/dated. kjahglkjhad .

oh man.

im a bad person lol. i shouldnt be doing thissss. oh dear. oh the influences. what they make me do. oh boy. hahahha

anyways.

so. im grounded. it sucks balls. yeah. uhm
hopefully my mother will be nice and lets me out on new years eve.
hm, whos gonna be my frist kiss of the new year? ANY TAKERSSSS ?? lol just kidddinggggg. maybe not idk.

ok. so im gonna go passout. cause im waking up early for the mall.

topsecrtpassion @ 2005-12-21T17:25:00

2005-12-21T22:29:40Z

so shit happens. and. i guess im actually glad about it.

you were right, you werent right for me. and im so glad it didnt go any further.

i cant wait for vacation. i really need a break. this vaca im gonna party hard with myy friendsss,<333

ok. so im relaly hungry.
and tired.

but i have a chourus concert in like 2 hours.

so. peaceeee out.

a so-called reflection.

2005-12-14T02:21:50Z

so, a lot of shit has gone on in the past year.... ive realized who my true friends are, and how hard it is to just.... go through life at my age. theres alot of things ive learned...cause i mean... ive beeen through ...alot...i mean alot of tramatic things...which was a huge shock to me because nothing really tramatic has ever happened to me my whole life, until this spring. i mean, there was no big drama with friends, no deaths, no... nothing.. i had a pretty happy life. granted i did have normal fights with mom and brother and family things that were stupid. but those kinda things never really affected me in a big picture.

ive come to realize that theres a lot of drama that goes on at my age. with guys...and mostly friends. its really funny how through the past year ive really found out who my true friends are...one of my supposed friends...best friend(since 6th grade) lied to me. for 4 fuckin months ...about a fucking guy. who was my ex boyfriend. who she started to date. about... lemme see... 2 or 3 weeks after he broke up with me. does a best friend do that? i think not.i mean yeah i was pissed that she started dating my ex, so soon after we broke up... but...what hurt me the most was that she could look me straight in the eye, after everything we've been through togteher, after everything ive done for her, and lie straight to my face...thats what hurt.. so that friendship was gone.

after that whole drama thing with that girl...my life pretty much starting going down the drain...i went to cancun and.. i got really really irresponsible and got like. over the top drunk, which ive never done. i mean ive gotten wasted before but not to the point where...i was... in the bushes and shit. well in cancun it got to that point. and it was bad.. my mom caught me and what surprised me was, obvoiusly she yelled. thats to be expected... but i wasnt grounded. i guess what happens in cancun stays in cancun..anyways. so in cancun nextel gets no service... i guess no cell phone gets service in cancun... we fly into miami because our flight had a stop over. and i turn my phone on and theres about 11 voicemails. i listen to it and all are from my aunt jeanne saying to call back its very important. so my mom called back on a pay phone. and we find out.. my tia sonina had a massive stroke and had passed away....so that was a major shock...theres never been any family member whos passed away and i was close with her so that really hurt.

in the beginning of july ((flashback real quick. my mom bought a restaurant and this july we had it for 2 years)) we had to close our restaurant. and that was really really hard. cuase i got emotionally attached to it. not only the place but the people working there. the waiters and waitresses. and the cooks but most of all the busboy. we bought the restaurant and he knew no english. and 2 years later he knew so much and we got so close and hes just such a great guy and i miss him alotttt.:(

in may i also went to the headautomatica show with jamie<3333 and i met dave kass there. and he invited me to his graduation party in july. so, me and jamie went to the party. andddd i met this boy thereee and we hooked up. and. then we started dating and it was niceeee. really nice. but then things ended because, from what he told me, his best friend liked me and he didnt wanna ruin the friendship and i get that, so i was fine with it.. a cuple days after that i went to the city with my friend ashley to see her cousins band play at the bitter end..and it was amazing i had a greatttt time. but the best wassss the guitarest. he caught my eye. fucking amazingly hot. lol. got his number. he got mine. made me happy. then i went to ashleys cousins graduation party a couple weeks later and guitar boy was there. me and him had fun. it was quite an experience. i was happy lol. and i still talk to him. and our conversations...ah.ahhhh.god . wow. yeah thatsa ll i gotta say.

then 2 months after may, in july. my tio enrique died... whch was another shock... and another 3 months later in oct. my tia delia died.... it was 3 family deaths in 5 months... which was so hrad. cuase i never had to deal with anything like that ever before.

in end of july and beg of aug. i started hanging out with leanne, who has become my best friend. we did so many fun things together. then she started dating cory and cory became my best friend. and the whole summer it was us 3 in his trcuk doing stupid shit having sooo much fun. i mean. besides the concerts and the parties, this made me get through the stupid shit that was going on. im so glad i have friedns like them. i spent almost everyday with them... and even though they were going out.. i wasnt left out. it was just an amazing feeling being with them. they always made me laugh and just the shit we did was hilarious...

in september/octoberish. ex boyfriend decided to be a asshole and break up with..or supposedly break up with lying ex best friend. and he comes back to me and tells me he likes me and she enver made him feel how i make him feel and all that stupid shit. what a stupid bastard. hes such an asshole. im so glad im done with him cause hes caused so much drama for over a year with me. what a relief that dramas over with. oh oh. but so i saved like a phone convo between me and him, (its possible. cool i know.) and showed it to ex best friend. cuase even tho we arent friends anymore i stil care. i mean no guy should dick someone over like that...so i showed her and she cryed and said oh im done with him. yet now they are back together. stupid...shes gonna get heartbroken again. sucks.

then. the night of my birthday... my other i guess... supposed best firend...hooked up with my brother. in my room. while i was there. that really hurt. i mean yeah i was so pissed off...and i had a right too be. i was pisse doff for a while too,.and then i guess she got pissed off that i was pissed off. and we really havent talked since...so i guess...thats another lost friend? im not sure. stupid shit.

now in december, i guess things are starting to turn around...schools a little tough for me this year tho... but im trying.. the friends situation is shaping up and... at home... its a little hecktic and theres been alot of fights lately about who me and my brother hang out with and what we do...but its life.

ok, so its been a tough year for me. but my friends..jamie,leanne,cory,lisa and ang... they all helped me through it...and so far theyve been my true friends and i dont even think i can explain to them how grateful i am to have them in my life. ..